Happy 9th Birthday Donovan !! I love you man !!!

My cells about 2 die and I dont even care! Enjoy ur evening people. Niiice Part II is going down now !

Just get'n started. Its beautiful out here. It'd like Day-Day said, "Craig the air is so good out here u can taste it"

Niiiiiiiice !

Up Deep Creek Lake chill'n real hard. The weekend has begun and Jack Daniels is in the house !

What ya'll know about this spot? Its about 2 go down !

Sent via The Mind Of LaMar

Follow-up 2 the LaMar PSA: If I see or hear of a child named, "Barak'isha", or "Obama'na", there will be "Hand lay'n" session w/said parent.

LaMar PSA: This little thing, " ' " ( apostrophe ). In your childs name does "NOT" make it sound "French", or "Fancy". I care not to share what your companies HR Department thinks it means, but i'm sure you can take a wild guess. Thank u. As u were.

Ur prolly gonna see " After Last Friday", "Money Talks 2", "Rush Hour 13", More Def Comedy Jam & a Paper route in Chris Tucker's future. That bama owes Uncle Sam 11 million !! Who the fugg was ur Accountant Big Worm ? U better get 2 hustle'n homie. When Sam wants his paper, he'll get his paper ! Ask Wesley Snipes

LaMar Random Fact: Haters smell like sour milk

21FE8044. For those who know what that is.

Good morn every1. Hate is a strong word. So I'll say I have a "Strong Dislike" for people who don't use their turn signal EarlyMorningBeef

"Big Shirley" & I are back together. Damn I missed u baby. I'm gonna take u out & spoil u w/a full tank of that good ish & a air freshener!

In today's "Negro Please" News "They" say Jay-Z is upset that LaBron didn't consult w/him b4 sign'n w/the Heat. "Negro Please". Did u consult w/him when u were pick'n beats 4 ur last album ? Alright then !!

Its a dude on the train that looks like Biz Markie before the record deal. Damn! Oh, my bad. Good morning yall!

They finally arrested the guy who killed the mothers and daughters in Largo. Ish hasn't been right since they caught the Sniper! WTH ?!

I swear the broads on Ochocinco's show look like rejects from "Rock of Love" !

2nd day in on Lil League Football. This ish is like a part time job ! I love it though

Hoe:Maury, I'm 1000% sure he's the father. He's the only 1. Maury:"In the case of 2yr old Bobbi Joe, Billie Ray, u are not the father" Ouch!

Why does every1 on Maury sound like they ride the short bus when they tell their story? "I duh na wa Shaniq'uasa dink i'm cheat'n on huh"

Watch'n Sade videos. Damn she doesn't age. Maybe I watch 2 much TrueBlood but, she might be a Vampire. She hasn't changed since '84

Anthony Bourdain is a Beast! I love "No Reservations"

Dude w/PA tags flew by me smoke'n a blunt on the beltway. He must really 2 catch a case. I bet his trunk looks like Boston George's too.

LaMar FYI: Do not put Ribs in the microwave for longer than 3 minutes. Tuff than a MF'er !!

Rick Ross + The Roots = Hottness !!
http://ping.fm/3D7V8

2 Hood Rats beef'n on Facebook over a locked up dude, cause fatal car crash. WTH ?!?!? We gotta do better !!!!!
http://ping.fm/vGkdL

Damn E! Entourage

Storms are sexy & exciting until a damn tree falls on ur street !!

Sent via The Mind Of LaMar

Viva Mexico !!

Sent via The Mind Of LaMar

What the heezy ?! Cartoon Network is have'n a Christmas cartoon marathon. They're really serious about get'n that Xmas retail money going early.

Whats good every1. Stay cool. Unlike the guy I just saw w/the Leather cap on sweat'n like a slave. He had a look on his face like, "Why am I so damn hot?" Because u have on a Leather cap fool !!

People always ask me what my Tat says. It says,"Damn its hot outside"

Sent via The Mind Of LaMar

This is the kind of heat that'll make u change ur life. I'm not built 4 this. I'm an A/C dude for real. "Always Cool" !

Why do "Hood Rats" talk so loud ?

WTH ?! Its this hot @ 7pm!! I'm just about ready 4 the Fall

Sent via The Mind Of LaMar

When I get old, hopefully I won't lose my sense of style, but if i do, don't let me go outside in black socks, shorts and hard bottom shoes!

I watch'd dude down a 40oz @the light & this is the result!

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

What's good every1. It's good to be back on TeamBlackberry. Android is hot, but i'm old school. I need keys on my keyboard !

The old back-up Blackberry I'm using decided 2 start work'n this morn. Just as the new 1 is about 2 be delivered. Isn't that some ish !!!!

I need 2 join the cast of "Jersey Shore". They went on strike & MTV gave those MF'ers 30k per show. Up from 10k for Season 2 which hasn't even came on yet. I'm not mad at them though. 8 minutes left on the 15. For that kind of money I'll gel my hair, go tan'n & fist pump all the way 2 the bank w/them. G.T.L !

I can't believe I haven't had access 2 email or anything on my cell since Friday nite & I survived. I have 2 admit. I didn't think I was gonna make it. That let's u know how dependant we've become on these things. How did the ole school hustlers do it w/out a cell ?! 1 more day to go !!!!

Be careful of the things u say & play around ur kids. My 3 yr old is run'n around yell'n, "I think I'm Big Meech!" Damn it's funny though!

Attention all Business Professionals, RE Agents, Mortgage Brokers, Hair Stylist, Entertainers, etc. Inbox/DM me your email info. Allow me to help u create & promote your Brand

Heineken.com !!!!!!!!!

Www.twisted.com !!!!!

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4 glasses of wine & a massage! This is how ur Friday should go !

Did y'all feel that? It was so loud. An earthquake in MD ?! U better get right!

Come get some this "Ghetto Love" !! WTH ?! Is that what the ladies want these days ?! Damn Ray

I never get used 2 the neighborhood kids calling me,"Mr. LaMar". I keep looking around 4 my Dad.

I'm trip'n off of History repeat'n itself. My son & 1 of his buddies play'n Madden. His trash talk is just like his old man. I'm so proud !

This Strawberry / Banana Smoothie is the Business right now !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What's up with dudes being so emotional these days? Not passionate about something, but emotional about nothing. Put ur big boy pants on !

How to make Top Ramen by Derik LaMar

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U need to git, up git out, and git somethin !

Big Boi is cool as a Slurpee on George Lopez!

Damn Vivica! Ur lips look like biscuit dough. Don't stand next 2 the microwave! Set It Off !

Really MTV ?! 2 dudes !!

Whoa! The "Tightrope" remix w/Lupe & B.O.B by Janelle Money is vicious !!

Wifey's away. Chef Boyo Derik is about t set it off. Video come'n soon!

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Just saw something disturbing. It ur 35+, please stop w/the Iverson braids! U don't rap, nor do u play ball. Ladies, don't be an enabler!

How much did they pay "Lil Good Ole Boy" Levi Johnston 2 say he was lying about how shady the Palins are & get engaged 2 his baby mommy ? Prolly 2 shotguns , some chewing tobacco & some boots for those cold Alaska nights

Rush Limbaugh finds news ways 2 piss me off almost daily. He was a total waste of sperm. Peep his latest disrespect........
http://ping.fm/gZSWc

I'm start'n 2 think it's me. Why do I see the stuff I see? Saw a Chinese dude w/a Doo-Rag on & a pack of Newports. See what Obama started !

Young Dro wins the award for best dressed, worst rapper !

Dad's nite 2 cook, so I ordered pizza. Sausage & Pep. I should have told them 2 hold the Grease! Damn Domino's. I cld shine the truck tires with this ish!

Why do old guys wear Captains hats ?

Why do black guys where scullys in the summer? (It makes ur hair smell like azz )

Why do old guys buy a really fast car like a Corvette & then drive it 15 miles under the speed limit ?

The following will be a series of "Why" questions. Feel free 2 answer.

What ya'll doing ?

Just came from the B.U.R.N.S movie premier in DC. The homie @KennyBurns is no joke. Much respect

Potential conflict avoid. Shout-out to my Trinidad homie for save'n the day ! What up Lee-Lee

I apologize in advance if this offends, but I'm pissed ! Who left the potato chips open ?! They're flat as Chinese azz, and stale as Dollar store bread ! I'm really in my feelings right now !

Time 4 My Favorite Game, "Would a Black Person Get Away With This?". This really makes u think...http://ping.fm/Ej7g2

Uncle Ruckas is the funniest character in TV. Period !!

What's good every1. Just saw a dude in full motorcycle gear. Leather pants, jacket, gloves etc, on a scooter. He was lean'n in like he was do'n 100mph, he was actually do'n 15mph downhill. Sorry, I was laughing so hard, I didn't take a pic, but I'm sure u can picture what that ish looked like. BTW: Create a great day !!

Here we go again. Another dating reality show. U know I'm gonna talk ish about it, but u I'll watch every episode.

"Dead Presidents" never gets old. Terrence Howard had the same perm from "Hustle & Flow". His perm game is Vicious!

U can have on a $5 white tee from the corner store, or a $1000 Armani suit but when "The Butt" by EU comes on, its a party!

Old ladies love me! I'm a Sabertooth magnet!

When did weddings become casual? I'm suited & booted (of course) , but I'm looking at t-shirts & jordans on a grown man right now. Why Lawd!

3 Kings Parade with James, Wade, & Bosh on NBA Tv live from Miami. This is crazy! Go Wizards !!

That new Orbit commercial is crazy. They never let me down! I'm still trip'n off of, "Who u calling Lint Licker, Cooty Queen?"

"You killed my momma bird Gina. You killed my momma bird" Classic Martin. Donovan & I are roll'n over here!

I ran in to 4 of the dumbest people I've ever met in a 60 second span! Wow! "I see dumb people." (Lil white boy from 6th Sense voice)

Go'n in on the Burrito Bowl in 3....2....1

My first name must be, "He ain't sh*t", 'cause evertytime I drive by suckers be like, "He ain't sh*t !!" I be dat. ~ Reggie Noble

The City of Cleveland & the owner of the Cavs have shown they're like school in the summer, No Class ( Rudy from Fat Albert voice ). The owner called him a "Coward", the fans burned his jersey. All this within minutes of him deciding? Fugg 'em. That means they never really respected u anyway. Would u really wanna stay in Cleveland if Ocean Drive is ur other option ?!? Cleveland, Sit ur Azz down !!

Have u thanked God this morning?

LaMar Checklist A.C.: Check, Good music: Check. Stay'n my azz inside all day: Check. All in need is some1 2 feed me some Grapes & fan me & I'm good! What's up Lisa ?

WTH is really go'n on? Who's idea was it 2 let Katt Stacks do a promo on WKYS? Do they know how she got (in)famous? Good job WKYS. She's a great roll model for the young ladies out here. Screw a rapper, & create a blog talking about what happened. Sad.

I'm at the light next to the "Real Life" Lafayette from True Blood. Chains, scarf & all. 2 snaps up in a circle !

Nothing like starting ur day in a long line at the Emissions place.

Get off the floor man. U know u have to take those clothes back to wardrobe when ur done. (The lil dude in Silk )

Hood Ish: Not clown'n, but Just saw a kids party @ Popeyes. Balloons & all. Didn't see the cake, but I'm hope'n its not a big azz biscuit.

The White Stripes, "Icky Thump" will get u hype. Warning. It may cause u 2 put ur hands on some1, & it's too hot for all that today.

It's gonna be 100+ 2day & I've already seen 2 pairs or corduroys, 3 scull caps & a scarf. Some people are really trying 2 find out what a Heat Stroke feels like. Cords though ?! Really ?! It's some daring MF'ers out here !

Like Sara Palin can see Russia from her backyard, I can see fireworks from mine ! I love Bowie! Happy 4th y'all! I'm all the way in !!

If u want 2 get sick to ur stomach, turn on ESPN. The Annual Nathans Hot Eating contest is on.

Happy 4th if July! @ The Tacoma Park Parade. I can tell its gonna be "Fish Grease" hot today !

What y'all really know about The Pharcyde ? They were ahead of their time!

That iPhone 4 commercial is a beast! To bad T-Mo will never ever get it! Damn, damn, damn James !

Niiiiiiice !!!!

Lawn manicured, grill going, kids outside playing & something 2 sip on. Life is great! familyfirst.

I'll help u, but 1st u'll need to purify urself in the waters of Lake Menatonka.

Kim K. has a wax figure at Madam T's & a new NFL boyfriend & u thought u cld only make $ off ur home movies on America's Funniest Videos!

Ghana! Stop those kicks homie!

Why are there so many lie'n MF'ers on the internet? Ur not in South Beach, ur in South East!

Home with a sick child. :( The good news is, Maury is on!

Good morning every1. Plantains for breakfast, & they're so good I'm about to put my hands on somebody! Please approach me slowly. Create a great day people

WTF did he just say ?!

I still can't believe that Al B. Sure is on Omarosa's show.

Just when I thought reality shows couldnt get any worse, "Mall Cops: Mall of America". We're become'n a country of "C-" students.

Any Mel Gibson fans out there? He doesn't care 4 the brothers, or his baby-momma. Here's what he said... You're an embarrassment to me," Gibson tells Oksana Grigorieva, according to site RadarOnline.com. "You look like a f---ing pig in heat, and if you get raped by a pack of n---ers, it will be your fault."

"Seven, Fifty", ( Mike Epps, All About The Benjamins Voice ). Damn Elin.

Elin Woods has just changed the game. Every Rapper will now say, "I'm get'n money like, Elin!"

How do u walk in2 court & ask 4 $750 mil w/a straight face? I know he embarrassed u worldwide w/all the hoes, but 750 mill? What yall think?

Is it me, or is the link 2 "Unsubscribe" 2 junk emails always broken? I don't need to save 40% on an Electric Lint Brush. Create a Great Day